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04 November 2016 @ 07:28 pm
Appointment with Dr. today.  
This last week has not been pleasant in terms of my anxiety—it was almost like all of the cognitive behavioral therapy went right out of the window, and nothing I tried would work. I’ve tried to keep myself busy, but nothing has helped. We went to see Dr. Strange yesterday afternoon, and I had a massive panic attack midway through. Talk about going from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds. It came on quickly and was over just as fast, and for no bloody apparent reason whatsoever. I was thankfully near the exit and was able to leave the auditorium so I wouldn't disturb the other people there. I missed a good chunk of the movie, but was able to see the end.

Then the guilt, God the guilt I felt when we were going back home, when it hit me that I had managed to ruin yet another night out that we rarely get to have because of work and other family obligations. Ryan never complained, love his heart, but I know it has to be hard to deal with.

I called in to work today and made an appointment to see my doctor. Went in with chattering teeth, sweaty hands, and a BP reading of 142/96, very nearly on the verge of another panic attack. Thank goodness for my saint of a husband, because without him there I doubt I could have gotten a word out coherently. I also think he was able to more accurately tell my doctor what I’ve been going through because he sees it firsthand, whereas I just feel like I am going clinically insane.

I left with a prescription for Celexa and Hydroxyzine.

I hope this helps, because I am at wit's end with all of this crap.
hbarthbart on November 5th, 2016 12:47 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry. It's great that he is so understanding. Hopefully you'll feel better on the new meds. If not, keep in mind that there are a number of meds available for anxiety, and just because one of them is a miracle drug for your neighbor or coworker, doesn't mean it will work for you. Wait, that sounds negative, lol. What I'm trying to say is don't lose hope if it doesn't work because everyone responds differently. I'm told there is a lot of tweaking of meds involved to get anxiety under control. And you didn't lose all benefit of therapy. You had a minor setback is all. I know it feels major to you, but hang in there. You've got this!
LaraLeelaralee88 on November 12th, 2016 07:22 pm (UTC)
I am doing much better...and I have not taken any of the medication for it yet. Meditation, daily journaling, very involved coloring books, and nearly constant self reminders that everything will be fine seem to be working. I've spoken with my family doctor and she's all for this as well, so we'll see how she feels when I go back December 3rd for my follow up. I wanted to wait to see if my appointment with my therapist would help and it did. Also, removing negative people from my life has done wonders as well. My therapist calls me a fixer, and when I can't fix things it tears me to pieces and makes me an anxious mess, which is what she believed happened over the last week with family and work drama.

I can't control other people's negativity, but I can control how long I participate in it, and I'm learning not to feel guilty about simply telling folks that I can't handle their doom and gloom.

These last few months have been a learning experience for sure, but I am dealing with set backs as they pop up, and trying not to get discouraged when it takes me longer to deal than I think it should.